Getting Over Your Fear of Escalation
Commitment issues are common in relationships. If you
are having trouble getting over your fear of escalation; you are not alone.
Many individuals become unsure when the time comes that a couple should take the next step in togetherness.
If you are in love yet having doubts about moving forward, take some advice on how to overcome this common
What are the Causes?
Relationships are tricky. Once you reach a certain level or have been together for a length of time, it becomes
apparent one or both partners must reach a decision about the long term viability of their romance. Most of the
fear comes from realizing this is it. Once a commitment is reached, there is no turning back and being single will
never again be an option.
Ironically, the fear of escalation is not necessarily a bad thing. Some people simply take commitment so
seriously that they want to make all the right decisions before taking that next step. If you are with someone who
has a hard time committing, have patience as they may just want to make sure they are up to the challenge of a
A more immature cause could be from the concept that there will be no others and that idea can be scary. If you
have found someone who is worthwhile, who makes you happy and fulfills you then perhaps it’s time to be a grown up
and stop keeping the doors open for other fish in the sea. Stop wasting time and begin developing the relationship
you already have.
Weighing the Pros and Cons
The best way in getting over your fear of escalation is to create a list of pros and cons regarding the
relationship. Keep in mind when you do this that no one is perfect and you will not find anyone out there who
doesn’t have their share of baggage.
The goal is to determine whether the person you are with has issues you are willing to tolerate and deal with in
the long run. For example you may list character flaws the person has which you don’t like but if they are slight
and insignificant such as “always late” or “doesn’t cook”, you may need to evaluate your expectations.
Take stock of important values which will determine your long term success. Things like religion, spirituality,
views on children, political ideals and dreams are important to look at and hopefully have in common. If there are
major incompatibilities within the deeper life outlooks, then you may have reason to question the integrity of your
Fear of Opening Up
Some people simply have a fear of opening up. There comes a point in a relationship when you have been together
for awhile where it is required to share more of yourself with that person. If you have not had this intimate
experience, you can never know whether you are compatible.
How you handle secrets and fears together says a lot about the strength of your partnership. If you are scared
to do this or unsure about whether you will be loved afterwards, try and overcome these fears. You will feel much
more connected to the person after sharing yourself.
Consider that if you have negative results after opening up, you will know the person is not right for you.
Trust is a huge leap in a relationship but without it, you have nothing.
Benefits of Moving Forward
While Hollywood and main stream media would suggest otherwise, there are many benefits to progressing into a
more committed relationship. Having someone you can depend on to be there for you in spite of your weaknesses is a
Knowing you are loved and cared for is a blessing and not a curse. While it may seem your sex life and fun will
be over forever, think about how much easier life will be when you are not out on the constant prowl. You will
never again have to find a date or impress someone.
Long term relationships offer security, love, devotion and the sharing of responsibilities. Your life will
blossom and grow as you now have another person to bear the burdens and yet work towards goals and dreams. If you
find someone who is deserving of your attention and loves you equally, you should not so quickly cast this
Ultimately getting over the fear of escalation simply requires you to analyze your current situation. By
weighing the differences between you and your partner you can determine if this person is someone you want to be
with in the long run.
Keep your expectations realistic and always remember you have flaws which not everyone will tolerate. If you
found someone who will, who also shares your values and outlook on life, you may want to consider the progression
of your relationship as a blessing in disguise.
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